I used to think I needed to name grief in my liturgy.

Now, I think I was wrong about that. I thought I was missing something, excluding an important party guest, if I didn’t lift up the pain of grieving hearts in our midst. But now arm-in-arm with grief myself, I can say, this bitch doesn’t need to be named. She knows she’s here. I do too.

My raw heart doesn’t need to be told it is raw. I appreciate the acknowledgement of the rawness, but if you poke it, it hurts. Not the helpful kind of hurt. Not the “Oh I didn’t realize I had a sore spot there…” kind of hurt. It just hurts. And there is enough that hurts.

Instead, I’m finding myself helped by words that are themselves raw. Words that don’t name what exactly hurts, but are willing to scream from the raw places, “This really fucking hurts.”

I find myself reaching for words unashamed in their want for hope. Words covered in ash from the valley, desperate in their pleads for light.

I used to worry that if we moved too quickly through the shadows, if we reached for the hope too fast, that we might miss someone along the way. I don’t think so, anymore. Now I find myself desperate to see others running through it. Plowing through it. I want to tell them, “Run! Keep going! Faster!” Let them go ahead and find the light. There is enough for us all. Go ahead and get there as quick as you can, so I might find you in the moments I make it, too. Now I find myself desperate not to see you descend with me, but to plant yourself firmly in the light you know, and scream that it’s real, that it’s close, that it’s possible.

We don’t have to exclude grief from our liturgy. We just must notice she’s already there. Her presence is uncontrollable, unpredictable. Perhaps we don’t need to address her directly, for those with whom she resides are very aware of her presence. Or perhaps if we do address her directly, we need to be carrying with us her counterparts, so much harder to come by - joy, hope, light.

If you’re not carrying the hope, please don’t name the grief. She doesn’t need more attention than she already has.